We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
