i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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