Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
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