she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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