I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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