One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
