Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
