you turned your livingroom into a bong?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
