The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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