I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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