how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
