32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
