i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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