I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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