We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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