i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
