While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
