I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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