TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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