I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
