I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
