I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
