thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize