3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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