I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
