um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
