I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
