Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
