Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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