im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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