i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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