my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
is wine microwaveable?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
did i walk over a car last night?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
