In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
