I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
