We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
