i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
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