how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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