do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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