All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
