I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
