I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
