I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
