She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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