I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
