but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
