I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
