escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
