Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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