i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
