By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
