Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
