"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
