I just threw up on my dentist
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
