look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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