He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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