the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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