here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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