For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
