i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
