i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We got so high we made milksteak
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
