i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
