Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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