When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
