Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
