Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
