so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
