I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize