I just made out with a guy for $7.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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