is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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