Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
