I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
