Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
