Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
