I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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