let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Randomize