The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
