hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
